Stop Fucking Me!

Boy is my ass sore.


Everywhere I go someone wants to fuck me, and I’m tired of it. I live in NYC, and you can’t go anywhere in this city anymore without being ripped off. The weather is getting better, and I might want to stop at an outdoor cafe and have a glass of wine, but oh look, it’s fucking 9 dollars! What’s that? I know that brand, I bought a bottle of it last week for 7 dollars. Now I have to tip the uptight, disinterested bitch who brought me the glass of wine like I owe her a favor while she tries to shuffle me out so she can not earn her next tip from the suckers who will sit down and feel too guilty to not give her 16%. So me and a friend have 2 glasses each, and the total is 45 dollars. We didn’t even get any fucking food! Had we ordered an appetizer or 2 the cost would swell towards 70.

Seriously? I have to pay you 70 gosh darn dollars for a couple glasses of cheap wine and some fried cheese and mini burgers? I’m not talking about a Zagat rated restaurant here, just some random cafe where the food is mediocre, the drinks are typical and the abuse is free of charge.

This is not a phenomenon restricted to the NYC dining experience. It seems like everywhere you go there’s a company expecting us to pay out the ass for crappy products and no service. I go see a knicks game (which at this point is the ultimate crappy product) and a pretzel and beer will run me $15, throw in a hot dog and another beer and we’re up to $30. I paid $74 for the ticket already, do they really have to fuck me this hard on top of that?

Time warner is now adding internet usage quotas, charging customers a dollar per gigabyte if they go over their quota. I swear my utility companies are just making shit up now, last summer they raised the cost of electricity “in response to demand.” What on earth does that mean? “We urge you to lower your rate of consumption, and while you’re sweating your balls off in thie 95 degree heat, here’s a giant, throbbing bill so you can’t afford to go out and spend 9 dollars on a shitty glass of wine, or 7 dollars on a Corona. Soon I might be reduced to standing around in supermarkets pretending to shop for frozen peas to keep cool in the summer, while hitting on housewives so they’ll buy me a snickers bar for $1.29.

Oh, by the way, If you’re noticing the first 2 major posts on this both have ass in them as a major theme, well you’d better just get used to that.

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Comments on “Stop Fucking Me!”

  • 6 April, 2009,

    yeah whats with that shit. i go to fuckin Fridays i order there 2 burger sliders and the kids meal chicken fingers and end up paying 50 bucks plus tip. WTF how did 2 mini white castle looking rip off burgers and 3 fn fingers end up costing 50 bucks plus 16% tip. can anyone do that fn math for me i swear. OK how about this u start my bill off when i sit down at 50, fine then the rest of the night let me subtract dollars based on performance. ok lets see hmmm foods cold minus 2 bucks, foods late minus 1, can get the waitress to pay attention to me to refill my drink minus 3 bucks, hair in my food minus nothing i like hair besides i might be my own. anyhow by the end of the night that rude bitch waitress owes me 12.95 that cunt.

    yeah think about it.

  • 8 April, 2009,

    Not only are they lining up to fuck you, but you’re paying them! I though prostitution was illegal in NY. One more example of how the country is degenerating into immoral chaos. And in broad day light too! So long as New Yorkers don’t start swearing, drinking, gambling on lotteries, fornicating, or downing drinks with questionable ingredients just to get through the day then I know there may still be hope.

  • thegleek
    15 April, 2009,

    sometimes LED’s fuck me. their large grotesque flashing beams of light penetrating my innards. it’s so… unwarranted. i never consented to any of it, yet they keep at. i tried to make it go away. unplugged everything. pure dark bliss. but you know somewhere out there. close to you. 12:00 is fucking you. fucking you endlessly. fucking you so good that you can’t make it stop. there is no stop word for the madness, so it goes on…

  • Stephanie
    15 April, 2009,

    I know how that goat feels every time i get my paycheck…

Leave a Comment