Ever drink water while peeing?
November 21, 2009
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[ observations ]
That Austin Powers thing doesn’t happen, but it is an odd conceptual thing to do. It’s kind of like killing babies while having unprotected sex.
Archive for the ‘observations’ Category
Kanye West earns inauspicious distinction.
September 18, 2009
[ observations ]
Kanye West is now the first recording artist in the history of the United States of America to receive a disparaging comment from the president of the country regarding his behavior. I wonder how it feels for him that the first ever black president was recorded referring to him as a jackass. Also it wasn’t […]
Gay people take stuff
June 29, 2009
[ observations ]
Gay people take things from us, and they don’t give them back. I don’t begrudge them this habit, lord knows they have a hard enough time as it is, but my function here is to observe, and this is one of many observations that any given person could have either figured out on their own, […]
Sometimes, balls itch.
May 28, 2009
[ observations ]
Given the fact that the human body is covered by about 20 square feet of skin, and the scrotal sack is about a 6 inch square, there is a 1.73% chance that any given itch on your body will be on a man’s balls. If you take into account the conditions under which the testicles are expected to live, you can effectively double that figure. So with a 3.46 % chance of any itch occurring on the balls, that basically means that just over 3 out of 100 itches on any man’s body are testicular, so why is this a problem for some people?
Guys want to bang girls.
April 16, 2009
[ observations ]
What might seem at first blush to be the most obvious statement since Obama took office hides a hidden truth. It’s probably hiding it because I carefully crafted it to do so, but nevertheless it remains obscured. the reason why id does so is because most people take for granted that is a universal truth, a guy sees a hot girl, he wants to bang her, but I’m not sure that’s always true, even when he thinks it is.
I was just organizing my music collection (which is another hidden pain in the ass in a world that seems to have no end to how much tedious shit it wants to throw at me), and Natalie Imbruglia came on. Yeah I know kinda random, and yes you can guess that the thought that popped in my head is I want to bang that chick, AND yes, I’m ashamed whatever, screw u.
All animals have assholes, but not all animals have asses.
April 6, 2009
[ observations ]
Everyone poos, but not everyone has a nice, round one.
The ass is a pretty unique, amazing thing, and this is underscored by the fact that not all animals are not lucky enough to have one. People have asses, baboons might have one of the most obvious asses on the planet, but a dog, for example does not. The vast majority of 4 legged animals have sort of a hind quarter, if you’re petting a dog or cat your hand will go from their back to their tail, but there really is no transition zone from their back to their hind legs, no tushy to speak of.
This is sometimes a problem for me because the ass functions as a nice buffer, a mass of protective tissue separating the asshole from the rest of the world. There have been times when I have been petting one of my cats and they change position and I accidentally poke into something that has entirely the wrong texture. It is infrequent enough that I still have to mentally pause to figure out what happened, but the reflexive system that keeps me safe, the same one that would draw my hand out of an open flame leaps into action and draws my hand back with extreme alacrity saving me extended inappropriate asshole touching time. In these cases I take a deep breath to steady myself, and always feel the need to check in with the cat to make sure no offense was taken and everything is still cool between us. Fortunately for our relationship, they have thus far remained unfazed.
This 4 legged rule tends to fall apart when you get into larger creatures such as horses and elephants, and it makes me wonder whether there’s a correlation between having an ass and the ability to lick your own asshole. If you stop and think about it, most of the animals who have asses cannot actually perform auto-anilingus ( I know there are some contortionists who can do it, but I doubt they have a badonkadonk, and shame on them for licking their own butts anyway), suggesting some form of convergant evolution might be at work.
It’s definitely something to think about, and also a good way to start off a whole new website, I think.