What might seem at first blush to be the most obvious statement since Obama took office hides a hidden truth. It’s probably hiding it because I carefully crafted it to do so, but nevertheless it remains obscured. The reason why it does so is because most people take for granted that is a universal truth, a guy sees a hot girl, he wants to bang her, but I’m not sure that’s always true, even when he thinks it is.

I was just organizing my music collection (which is another hidden pain in the ass in a world that seems to have no end to how much tedious shit it wants to throw at me), and Natalie Imbruglia came on. Yeah I know kinda random, and yes you can guess that the thought that popped in my head is I want to bang that chick, AND yes, I’m ashamed whatever, screw u.

But the point is I shouldn’t be.

They sell sex to us so that we have a conditioned response when a song comes on to call the image of the sexy video, or some magazine like Maxim into our brains. The hidden truth here is I think most men are very enamored with the IDEA of banging some random hot girl, and it’s sort of a conditioned verbal response. Hot chick: yeah I wanna bang her, we see it on TV in movies and as men we’re expected to just be up and ready to fuck anything that looks good in a skirt. I think given the choice lots of men would decide to go the hanky panky route, but I also think it would be an ultimately disappointing experience. In this case I think the reality of fucking some hot celebrity would be a disappointment, might even be a bit uncomfortable, and lots of men in that situation probably would be contented with the knowledge that they could have done it, rather than to actually go through with it just at that moment.

Don’t get me wrong, if she was being all sexy and was really into it and inspired me I might just give her the most intense 2 minutes of her life (that’s actually lie, I’m an all night long brutha, but the 2 minutes thing is funnier), but it would be an eminently physical experience. Even the most shallow man out there understands on some unconscious level the relationship between intensity of orgasm and a human connection.

Of course that kind of talk will get you branded as “fag” in most sports bars, but the guys who are the most reluctant to admit that probably either #1 have not banged many (or any?) hot girls, or #2 are fags.

My apologies to Natalie Imbruglia and any of her descendants for her inclusion in this post.