And cell phones… holy shit cell phones!

Everything comes from somewhere. All science has been proven incorrect, or incomplete over the course of time, but the basic truths people have understood or believed in have persevered throughout the ages. Whether it be in the form of religion, superstition, cultural convention, or passed down from generation to generation in the form of stories and rituals, there is an internal wisdom that has been found, lost, and I suspect will be found again as the digital mind catches up with our analog hearts.

Odd, apparently nonsensical things, like reading tea leaves spinning in a cup of water, or throwing bones or sticks in the air and divining some meaning from how they fall can tell us more than we might suspect. The actual actions themselves are less important than the mind and soul that is focusing on them. Elements of randomness cast from us with certain strong held intentions will tend to be influenced by those intentions, and, if the practitioner can get out of their own way, can provide insight into otherwise intractable problems or questions.

Thousands of years before germ theory, people knew from experience that sticking a finger up their own ass then sticking it in their neighbor’s eye would give them a red, itchy eye. Who’s to say we don’t find a concrete description for why certain things have been classified as bad luck, or a bad omen? We now understand that the hard and fast physical world that governs the majority of our actions is itself governed by a subatomic world that follows a very different set of rules, most of which are not completely (or at all) understood by us at this point in time. What we do know is these subatomic particles can be influenced by energies from various and unlikely sources, one of those being our observation, and own minds and bodies.

Is it possible for an item or place to be “cursed” by repeated violent or painful actions or intentions? Is it possible for a place to be “blessed” by love and healing energies? People throughout history sure seem to think so, and it’s been proven time and again that over a long enough period of time basic wisdom and understanding holds truer than the next new science fad. So don’t be surprised if we start seeing mathematic equations for all the stuff your grandmother used to bug you about.

Organized religion is still crap though, except for all the stuff that isn’t.

Of course eventually life’s current events slide to the past and join the barrage of stupidity that came before, and if you’re very unlucky, it ends up on the internet.

So if most people will agree that they have been prone to dumb or silly choices in the past, why do they seem so confident in their current actions? I’d like to start a new support group called DAA, Dumb Asses Anonymous. Here is a video of the Man I’d like to anoint Patron Saint of DAA.

In the immortal words of St. Moe, “Why I oughta…”

There are two choices of toilet paper orientation when using a toilet roll holder with a horizontal axle parallel to the wall: the toilet paper may hang over or under the roll. The choice is largely a matter of personal preference, dictated by habit. In surveys of American consumers and of bath and kitchen specialists, 60–70% of respondents prefer over.

Despite being a trivial topic, people often hold strong opinions on the matter. Advice columnist Ann Landers said that the subject was the most controversial issue in her column’s history. Defenders of either position cite advantages ranging from aesthetics, hospitality, and cleanliness; to paper conservation and the ease of detaching individual squares. Celebrities and experts are found on both sides. The reasons behind each person’s choice have been analysed by several studies with theories ranging from age, gender, socioeconomic status to political philosophy. It has also been suggested that preference for “under” may correlate with ownership of a recreational vehicle or a cat.

Here’s the whole article for those who are interested:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper_orientation

As always Requiem of Randomness is happy to provide important public service announcements.

Down the road I plan to add a portable version for the office so you can
notify any co-workers on the company intranet.

Do we have a winner here? Can you see this on the home shopping network?

Do people get turned on by watching themselves? Are people masturbating while watching themselves have sex rather than actually fucking? This friend who well call “stiffie” (his choice not mine take it up with him) brought something up as a joke, but it may actually be useful if you are in the right relationship.

All the tech for this exists, and is pretty cheap so it’s very doable, the only question is whether someone will have the vision necessary to being this to market.

Sports style video analysis.

Think about it.

Using Xs and Os on freeze frames to call out “bad plays” or comment on something that is good and a person should do more of.

“See if you look at the stroke here you’re spending too much time going straight up the middle, there isn’t enough lateral movement.” “Yes but if you move to the next play, you can see a missed opportunity on the back end, you have to take advantage of all openings.”

You can also make your own bloopers reel – “Oh no! Right in the eye! That’s gonna leave a mark!”

If apple made the product I’m sure it would be simple, like the obvious iFuck. If Microsoft brings it to us we can look forward to Windows Sexy Movie Assistant Premium Version 2010.

It would be cool if there was a Disney version that turned you into cartoons, but that’s another post.

You carry the  “Assess-O-Tron” which is a small ipod like device, somewhere on your person. When you first receive this device you will be asked to do the assessment. It is vitally important that you are as honest as possible, because the nature of your answers will directly tie into the rewards you will receive, and even protect you from some of its dangers. You will be asked basic questions, such as “Are you single,” ‘Where do you work?, What do you like the most? What are your dislikes,” etc. These questions will get very specific and delve into some multiple choice answers some people might find to be bizarre or invasive, but the more honest you are, the better the device can work for you.

An example of the device in action is as follows. There is a couple in a happy relationship named Jim and Melissa, who live together. The couple in question are both using the device and it is perfectly calibrated to their likes and dislikes. At this moment, Jim has been particularly attentive to Melissa lately and she is quite pleased with him. Their Assess-O-Trons are synced, and if this keeps up, Jim will soon be eligible for a level 3 reward. Right now on Jim’s list of level 3 options are: Sex all day followed by pizza, followed by more sex, then a movie in bed, then finishing the cold pizza. Additional options are having Melissa cook him his favorite dinner in the world, while wearing a saran wrap mini skirt, or a new big screen tv.

He arrived at level 3 by bypassing some of his level 2 options which included going out for a night with the guys, or taking Melissa to a ball game. If he bypasses his level 3 options he can shoot for the level 4 reward of oral sex while he’s playing video games, or perhaps even the level 5 reward of bringing Melissa’s naughty friend Shelly over for a weekend of debauchery.

It is very tricky to get to any level above 3 since to do so you have to continue generous and loving behavior in the exact manner that resonates with your partner. When she feels the joy of the garbage being taken out without having to be asked, a foot massage late at night, or getting her flowers for no reason at all, that joy will be communicated to your device as it registers on her device, and increases your rating slightly. However when you do things that are mean or selfish, your rating will decrease. This can be somewhat mitigated by a sincere, heartfelt apology, but the rule stands true, it is difficult to get a very high rating. For this reason the rewards escalate as the levels progress. While it is possible to get a level 1 reward every week with enough attention, getting up to level 3 usually takes at least a month. Level 4 would take about 3 months and level 5, might happen twice a year if someone was very dedicated. Results will vary as some people will either be particularly good at reading their partner’s needs, and abysmally poor.

Once a reward is indicated it needs to be delivered as soon as possible and with as much enthusiasm as possible. Lack of enthusiasm will result in the unenthusiastic person losing status in their own device, thus postponing their own rewards. Men should be wary of women who allow their meters to go over the level 5 setting, as marriage is an option on level 7. Remember to offer to go to those level 3 baby showers, and level 2 all day shopping trips, fellas!

On the other hand, animals who are not as well armed such as giraffes, zebras, and other less patterned herbivores kick the ever loving snot out of each other.

Food for thought.

Here is a quote from healthline.com

The prognosis of successfully ending pedophilic habits among persons who practice pedophilia is not favorable. Pedophiles have a high rate of recidivism; that is, they tend to repeat their acts often over time.

The main method for preventing pedophilia is avoiding situations that may promote pedophilic acts. Children should never be allowed to in one-on-one situations with any adult other than their parents or trustworthy family members. Having another youth or adult as an observer provides some security for all concerned. Conferences and other activities can be conducted so as to provide privacy while still within sight of others.

Michael Jackson had been around hundreds of children without supervision over the course of the 10 years in between the first and second trial. During the course of the second trial the prosecution sought out the children that had been in Michael’s company to try to find some corroborating evidence to back up the story, and they were not able to produce a single verifiable witness.

Think about that.

Child molestation is a sickness, a molester simple can’t help themselves when they are around children and Michael was around children ALL the time. If he was actually a molester, the kids would have been coming out of the woodwork, and there would be no doubt of his guilt.

Was it weird that he hung out with kids all the time? Well yes and no. No one can really understand either the childhood he endured, and his level of fame. I can’t think of anyone in my lifetime who was more famous than Michael Jackson, and I’m sure most of the adults around him were either on his payroll, or were such huge fans that they elevated him to the level of icon and didn’t see him as a human being. From there it’s a pretty simple logical leap to understand why he might prefer to spend his time with children. I know there are things from my childhood I am still chasing today, this poor man was chasing an ENTIRE CHILDHOOD, and hanging out with the only people who didn’t have some angle, or something they wanted to take from him.

No that role fell to their unscrupulous parents. The greedy bastards who saw an opportunity for a money grab and went for it despite the damage they must have known it would cause to this gentle soul. It was those 2 trials that created his drug problem, and caused him to be less prolific. They shattered his mental and physical health, and in the end took him away from us not only too early, but also with less art than we might have otherwise been privelidged to receive.

Some things are too beautiful to exist in this world, we have not reached a point in our collective development where a soul this gentle and loving can exist without being misunderstood and torn down. This is certainly not the first time this has occurred, but for me, it’s one of the saddest, and one fo the greatest losses. I can only hope that a lesson is learned here, and the vile masses who take pleasure from seeing a great person in pain and cast down from greatness for no other reason than their own insecurities can once and for all be silenced in the same way no terrorist will ever be able again to hijack a plane with a knife.

Michael Jackson -  we will never forget.

Fuck Time Warner.